Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Tinder Night Garden

I've spent the last week or so wondering whether I should mention this or not. What the hell, here goes.

I received an email from someone who - for good reason - would rather not be identified here. She's in her 30s. She's single. She live in London. She uses Tinder.

If you don't know what Tinder is, well, according to Wikipedia it's a "location-based social discovery application that facilitates communication between mutually interested users." I'm not sure that's made it much clearer. It's a dating app. It shows you pictures of people you might be interested in on your phone. Because it's on your phone it knows where you are and so it sort of knows that they're close to you. You swipe the picture one way if you're interested in them and the other way if you're not and if a mutual attraction is discovered then it allows you to get in touch with one another.

At least I think that's what it is. I'm a married man. I got married in 2010. Tinder was born in 2012. I have no first hand understanding of what it is and how it works. The closest I've come to it before now was at a dinner party a year or two ago when a group of us crowded around a friend's phone as she showed us what it looked like and we all chuckled at quite how many men had chosen profile pictures that featured them and dolphins. A lot of men seem to choose dolphin pictures.

I imagine people put quite a lot of thought into choosing their profile picture. That picture is what people will judge you on. Will they swipe right (good) or will they swipe left (bad)? It all depends on whether they like the look of you or not. So you'd probably want it to be you-at-your-best, right? In any case, you'd certainly want it to be you.

Wouldn't you?

Well, apparently not. Because, as my anonymous correspondent reveals, someone somewhere is using a picture of me.
"Is this you?" asks anonymous, to which the answer is yes.
"And if it is you, is it, um, actually you?" To which the answer is no.

Honest.

It really isn't.

I mean it is my face. But it's not me.

I suppose on some level I ought to be flattered by Ed's choices. (Of course, I know there's no reason to assume that a man who isn't using his own face would use his own name, but for ease, let's call him, Ed).

I'm not really sure what Ed hopes to gain by using my photo on Tinder.

I'm guessing he (or she) isn't trying to set up actual dates and that it's got more to do with sending spam or somesuch but even so, on some level, it ought to be flattering that someone thought it would make a passable profile picture.

Especially for someone listed as 32.

As I write this, I'm 44. I was, I think, 40 when that picture was taken.

As far as I'm aware the only place it's been used is in the Independent where it accompanied an interview I did while promoting the first series of Modern Life Is Goodish.  Even though someone is clearly up to no good, the fact that they're taking 8 years off me while they're at it makes me feel just a tiny bit happy.

Sort of.
But probably not so happy that I'm happy for Ed to continue with his lie. So I'm trying to track Ed down. (If I can do so, it might make its way into series three.)

If you're in London. On Tinder. And female. And you happen to find a man called Ed who looks suspiciously like me, could you please let me know? Please don't swipe right. I mean, obviously, you'll have a strong, natural urge to do so - who wouldn't - but without knowing what he's up to, I don't want to be responsible for anyone making contact with him in any way. Especially on a platform I have no real understanding of.

But if you do find him, could you let me know where you were and - if Tinder tells you this sort of stuff - how far away from you he was supposed to be? I promise I won't share your name and details with anyone. You can send me an email via my website, or find me on Twitter or on the slightly-harder-to-navigate, facebook.

But you can't contact me on Tinder. I'm not on Tinder.

Right. I'm going to post this. Cue the "yeah, yeah, we believe you!" replies!





Thursday, May 14, 2015

Roll Up, Roll Up...


It's a blooming good line up this month, even if I do say so myself. Tickets.

Saturday, May 9, 2015

Screen Guild Gigs...

So far, the dates for this fourth season of Screen Guild shows have been released one by one. This hasn't been because we were holding any information back, it's because there are only so many dates that work for me and it wasn't immediately clear that they worked for any one venue. (Which is why the first two have been in different places.)

But that's all been sorted out now, so we have the dates for the rest of the season. The final three shows will all be at the Hackney Picture House - the lovely venue that hosted all of the third season of shows.



So the dates for the remaining three shows are:
Saturday, May 16th,
Friday, June 12th
Friday, July 10th.
You can get tickets for any of them here.

For the unfamiliar, these are shows that I host while introducing four guest acts. The Screen Guild is my new material playground - the place where I get to experiment with new ideas and work up material. Without it, there wouldn't have been anything to tour these last few years and nothing to make Modern Life Is Goodish out of.

There's a page on my site devoted to the shows, so if you want a fuller explanation as to what it is, why it is and why it's where it is, this is the link to clink.

Incidentally, we're making series three of Modern Life Is Goodish right now - two episodes filmed, six to go - and that means there are also a few other live shows happening, always in the week before each recording... oh, and then the Straight To The Point* (*The Powerpoint) tour continues later this year - and early next. Details for everything live can be found on the Live Dates page.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Austerity & All That.

My parents were very keen on the idea of savings. If I or my brothers wanted some new toy or what-have-you, we were told to save up some money and buy it. Occasionally it would be, "if you can save half, we'll pay the rest". Whatever it was, we were raised on the idea that you can't have everything straight away. It's a message that's still kind of hard wired into me.

The Smallest Radiator In The World

But when, as an adult, I was able to buy a flat my parents didn't tell me that I was making a terrible mistake and that I shouldn't get into that much debt. They didn't tell me that I should save up all the money first and that only then should I be able to buy a property. A mortgage isn't the kind of debt I was raised to be scared of. It's the kind of debt I was raised to aspire to.

But it is a kind of debt.

I was thinking about this on my way in to work this morning. Because one of the things I keep hearing in this election campaign is about the various parties' plans to eliminate the deficit. And when I hear the phrase it sounds like common sense. Because debt is bad. Just like my parents taught me.

But then not all debt is bad. A mortgage - one you can afford, at least - is sensible debt. It makes more sense to live somewhere and pay for it while you're doing so, than it does to go without.

And it feels like Great Britain is doing quite a lot of going-without at the moment. And the excuse for all these austerity measures - all this cruelty - is that these cuts are necessary. These are tough decisions that nobody wants to make. It's time to tighten our belts. Etc etc.We must eliminate the deficit.

But isn't that, y'know, a load of bollocks? It seems to me that we really shouldn't be trying to eliminate the deficit. In fact, I'm pretty sure we ought to have a deficit. If we're paying for things that will exist for generations, the cost of those things should spread across the generations. Especially when the alternative is to go without. Great Britain ought to have a mortgage. And spending money on educating people and keeping them healthy seems like the best way of ensuring that future generations will be able to keep up the payments.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Oh The Dates, They Are A-Changing

I'm afraid the first thirteen shows of the next leg of the tour are going to have to be moved. I know how annoying some people will find it and I can only apologise and hope that you'll agree with me that it's for a very good reason.

I've only got myself to blame. I broke the first rule of showbiz which, as everyone knows, is to never have sex with your wife nine months before a bunch of tour dates. Sorry.

Or in other words. I'm going to be a Dad. Woo hoo! (Woo hoo always looks sarcastic. I don't mean it to be.)

Knowing exactly when a new human is going to announce themselves to the world is tricky. But there is no way on earth that I'm not being there. So the choice we were facing for the tour was to either
1)  carry on as planned and almost certainly have to cancel a show or two or more on the day or at very short notice.
Or
2) make a decision now to move a few dates.

It seems to me that doing it at short notice would be far more chaotic. At that time, people would have booked trains and hotels and so on. Finding replacement dates that work would have been harder too. Rightly or wrongly this seemed like the less disruptive course of action as it gives everyone a sensible amount of notice.

The dates that are moving were for shows that fell between the 4th and 22nd of October. We were able to reschedule one of them to November but the rest are in January. I am of course very grateful to all the venues that have taken this so well and worked with us to find the best replacement dates they can.

The new tour dates for the tour extension, now look like this - the ones that have been moved are against a different background colour.
OCTOBER 2015
23 - JERSEY Opera House
24 - GUILDFORD G Live
25 - CHELTENHAM Everyman Theatre
28 - POOLE The Lighthouse
29 - SALISBURY City Hall
30 - WATFORD Colosseum
31 - READING Hexagon

NOVEMBER 2015
1 - NEWCASTLE Theatre Royal
5 - WIMBORNE Tivoli Theatre
6 - DURHAM Gala Theatre
7 - MOTHERWELL Concert Hall
8 - LANCASTER Grand Theatre
11 - CRAWLEY Hawth Theatre
12 - SWINDON Wyvern Theatre
13 - YEOVIL Octagon Theatre
14- COVENTRY Warwick Arts Centre
15 - SALFORD The Lowry
18 - CHELMSFORD Civic Theatre
19 - NOTTINGHAM Playhouse
20 - NORTHAMPTON Royal & Derngate Theatre
21 - MIDDLESBROUGH Town Hall
22 - DUNFERMLINE Alhambra Theatre
25 - BASINGSTOKE Anvil
26 - BIRMINGHAM Symphony Hall
27 - CAMARTHEN Lyric Theatre
28 - CARDIFF St David's Hall
29 - WOLVERHAMPTON  - Wulfrun Hall

JANUARY 2016
18/19/20 - NORWICH The Playhouse
22 - HEREFORD - The Courtyard Theatre
23 - CORNWALL - Hall for Cornwall
24 - EXETER - Corn Exchange
26 - SHREWSBURY - Theatre Severn
27 - BROXBOURNE - Civic Theatre
28 - ALDERSHOT - Princes Theatre
29 - CHATHAM - Central Theatre
30 - CROYDON - Fairfield Halls
31 - HAYES - Beck Theatre

If you'd bought a ticket to one of the reorganised dates and still want to come along, the people to contact are whoever you bought your ticket from, whether that's the venue or an agency or... well no, that about covers it. Hopefully, they'll be in touch with you any way.

I really am sorry to be letting people down like this. But of course I'm also being absolutely head over heels about the reason behind it.

Saturday, April 4, 2015

Russ Abbot vs Radio Gaga

I think I might have uncovered something even bigger than the Blurred Lines/Marvin Gaye thing...

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Goodish Tickets.

It's nose to the grindstone time on series 3 of Modern Life Is Goodish and it occurs to me that, when it comes to the recordings it would be really rather lovely if there was an audience there to watch the shows.

I told my mailing list about them yesterday (they always get first dibs) but if you're the kind of person who'd like to see the show being recorded - this is the link you need.

We record two shows each night... and as people who've been to see any of series 1 and 2 can hopefully confirm, we really do try to make them work as live shows on the night. It isn't a let's-record-a-load-of-stuff-and-then-try-and-make-it-work-in-the-edit sort of thing.

All the shows are recorded at The Tabernacle in Notting Hill and this series we're doing them all on Sundays - which hopefully means that fewer people will have that will-I-be-able-to-get-there-in-time-after-work panic.

The recordings are on May 3rd, May 31st, June 28th and July 26th. Doors at 5pm and we should be starting the recording at 6pm.

It'd be lovely to see you there!

Oh... and of course there are warm up shows, mixed bills and the continuation of the tour in the autumn... all of which are detailed on the Live Dates page.